Week 42

Hayden is officially CRAWLING! Occasionally he still reverts back to the "commando-style" but for the most part, he is on 2 hands and 2 knees, all over the house. All he wants to do is crawl and stand. It is incredible to see the progress he has made in the last week. I think that's largely due to him FINALLY feeling better! YAY! And he slept for 12 hours straight both last night and the night before. I guess all this mobility is wearing him out!

This week on Wednesday night, Phil and I attended a lecture at Seattle's Town Hall by Dr. John Gottman on "Raising and Emotionally Intelligent Child". Wow. It was a fantastic lecture and very timely since teaching children about their emotions can begin as early as Hayden's age now.

Dr. Gottman described 2 parenting styles: "Emotion-Dismissing Parents" and "Emotion-Coaching Parents". The Emotion-Dismissing Parents make up about 2/3 of parents in his research group. They don't like negative emotions such as sadness, anger, and fear. They see them as "toxins" they need to protect their child from, and prefer their child to be cheerful. Their response is to help their child "snap out of it" by distracting them, playing down the emotion, and sometimes even punish them. They see negative emotions as failures, and become impatient with a sad or angry child. While their intentions seem good, this actually teaches children that their feelings are bad, not to trust their feelings, that they are weird, alone, and that they can't talk to their parents.

Emotion-Coaching Parents on the other hand, see negative emotions as a healthy part of development, an opportunity for discussion, growth, and empathy. These kids are better at self-soothing, get along better with other peers and adults/teachers, and even their reading & math scores are higher.

According to Dr. Gottman, there are 5 steps to Emotion Coaching:
1) Noticing the emotion
2) Recognizing as an opportunity for intimacy and teaching
3) Listening and empathizing, validate their feelings
4) Providing verbal labels for the emotion
5) Setting limits, help the child problem-solve, communicate values and appropriate behaviors

I have been devouring his book and realize my parenting instincts will be challenged to think and respond in this way. Even today at the park, Hayden was getting cranky and Phil and I responded like the "emotion-dismissing parent" - tickling him, offering him Cheerios, laughing at him for being so 'cute' when he cries. I realize we can't really put all these steps into practice with a 9-month old baby, but it is very interesting to be thinking about all these ideas now.